


When It Rains

by destieliswrittenonmyheart



Series: The Song a Supernatural Heart Sings [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Castiel Has Panic Attacks, Heartbeats, M/M, Panic Attacks, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 13:49:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destieliswrittenonmyheart/pseuds/destieliswrittenonmyheart
Summary: When it rains, it pours.Castiel's anxiety peaks for the first in a while, sending him reeling into an awful panic attack.





	When It Rains

Castiel's chest started to tighten, but he pushed it in the back of his mind. It was in his head, just anxiety again. Breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, he continued what he was doing; helping Sam cook up dinner while Dean ran to the store for a few packs of beer.  
"Cas, you okay?" Sam asked, turning off the sink and glancing to him.  
"Yeah, no- just anxiety, I'm okay," he sputtered while cutting up a carrot. "It's not that bad."  
Sam harrumphed and blinked his way a few more times, not sure if he believed him from how hard he'd started breathing. Though, he wasn't going to push. Turning the faucet back on, he carried on washing and peeling potatoes.  
  
_What if it's more than anxiety though? It hadn't been so long since he was in the hospital, there could be complications. Maybe Dean was right to worry. His heart did feel like it was getting heavier with every passing moment. It must be his heart then, right? No- No it was anxiety. Just a little anxiety. He was going to be okay._  
Castiel nicked his finger with the knife when his thoughts caught him off guard. He hissed, and put his finger in his mouth. Sam turned at his gasp, and dropped the potato he was holding.  
"Oh," he mumbled upon opening the cabinet below the sink - where the first aid kit usually was - and finding it empty. "Crap, Dean left it in the library, hold on." Sam gave Cas a worried smile before rushing off to retrieve it.  
  
Once alone, Castiel could just sense it all getting even worse. Sweat started to bead on his forehead, his lungs felt like they were burning. He swore he felt his heart skip multiple beats, more like it fluttered, before starting to beat hard against his ribs. Grabbing onto the edge of the counter, he leaned over it, putting one hand on his chest and scrabbling at it with shaky fingers. Biting his tongue, he felt another painful thump and that time it totally knocked the air out of his lungs.  
  
"S-Sam..!" he choked out, sinking to his knees and panting rapidly. "Sam, my heart, i-it's-!" Cutting himself off with a pained whimper, Castiel began to curl in on himself.  
The younger Winchester turned back around and darted back to the kitchen, telling his friend that it was going to be okay.  
"It's fibrillating, Sam, it's not okay! I-I'm going to die..!" Cas wailed back, lifting his head when he heard Sam kneel next to him.  
  
Digging his fingers desperately into Castiel's neck, he felt for his pulse. He used his other hand to do the same at Cas's wrist.  
"I'm right here, Cas. You need to breathe. I'm not going to let you die, it's okay," Sam soothed, looking his friend in the eye. Squinting and looking at the floor, he felt what he didn't expect; a steady pulse. Definitely racing, that was for sure, but it wasn't irregular, not skipping.  
  
"It hurts, Sam. I'm- It's-" Cas wheezed, squeezing his eyes shut and lightly hitting himself in the sternum.  
"Cas," Sam called seriously, to which he received an acknowledging whine. "It's a panic attack, buddy. Your-"  
"Sam, my heart-"  
"Is steady," Sam finished for him. "Look at me."  
Opening his eyes, Castiel glanced up at him. Sam then grabbed his hand and placed it over his heart.  
"Feel that? It's steady, just fast. Really fast," he proved, his eyebrows drawn together in worry. "It's a panic attack."  
  
Cas's breathing hitched as he felt his own heart pounding against his hand. Sam was right.  
"I-I'm so sorry," the ex-angel whispered before falling into his friend's open arms. "I'm sorry."  
"It's not your fault, I'm not upset," Sam comforted him, trying to take deep breaths and calm his own heart rate down. "Sh, Cas... Cas I'm here."

Shifting his head against Sam's collar, Cas breathed with Sam while listening to the Winchester's strong heartbeat. He hated this - putting his friends through this. He thought he learned to tame this anxiety finally, but now here it is again. He could never rid himself of it.  
"I've got you," Sam whispered, rocking slightly with him held tight in his arms. "Dean and I, we love you very much. We're proud of you. You've come so far."

-

Dean trod into the kitchen a few minutes later, carrying a six-pack in each hand. Upon seeing them huddled on the floor, his stomach dropped.  
"Cas?!" he said, quickly setting the beer down and scurrying over.  
"I'm okay, Dean," Cas murmured, holding his shaky hand out for Dean to hold onto. "I'm okay now..."  
"He had a horrible attack," Sam piped up, informing his brother. "But he's right, he's okay now." Running his fingers against Castiel's cheek, he watched as he listened intently to the sound of his heart.  
Dean swallowed hard, feeling guilty for not being here for them. He gave his brother a sad smile, and mouthed a 'thank you'. Giving Cas's knuckles a tender kiss, he then guided him to lay his fingers across his pulse. Instinctively, Cas pressed into it.  
  
"My heart..." the ex-angel mumbled, clearly worn out. "My heart beats for the both of you."  
"And ours do for you too, Cas," Dean replied, completely sure of it. "Never doubt that."


End file.
